Last night, I cried.

…jealousy creeps in whenever my daughter prefers her nanny over me and last night it happened again.

After our favorite TV show, she cried for no reason. She keeps on shouting “ahkit…face…” I know that whenever she cries that a part of her body is in pain, she just wants me to kiss her. And I did but still she cried and cried harder. She even pushed me when I tried to calm her and instead call for her nanny. I can’t help but get jealous…So I gave up. I went inside our room, turn off the lights and lied down. She followed me but just to asked me for her “baby” and her pillow. Since I feel like crying I ignored her and brushed off her hands. She left and went to her nanny. I was really crying na when she came back (because her nanny told her so), I still ignored her. She cried calling my attention…I can’t stand her cries so I get up and hugged her. She stopped crying and suddenly asked me to kiss her nose, her chin, her eyes and lips. After that, she placed her stuffed toys beside her then I tucked her to bed.

The more I experience times like this, the more I feel the guilt of leaving her to a nanny. The more I feel dejected that I am not with her 24/7…The more I feel like quitting my job and just be there for her.

Hubby also wanted me to quit my job so I that I can focus on our daughter, but not until our finances are stable. Not until we're certain that his salary will be able sustain us. But honestly I’m on the verge of thinking of giving up my work just to be a full time mom... and I am really praying for that.

For Jaden, a poem

I am someone who wants to be
Beside you everyday

I am someone who wants to be
Your defender, comforter and friend

I am someone who wish to share
My time and all for you

I am someone who wants to teach
Everything you need to know

I am someone who wants to give
All the best that life can bring

I am someone who wants to lead
In achieving your dreams small or big

I am someone who wants to know
Every tiny details about you

I am someone who loves and care
Nourish, protect and just be there

I know I can't be with you every minute, every hour
Not quite yet, but just one thing...

For you my daughter, I can be anything
Coz you’re my child, my sweet little darling…

I love you, my Jaden...

♥ A Worth-Spent Holiday ♥

Since yesterday was declared holiday, (it's Pasig City Day) I already organized my schedule and thought of ways on how to make it productive...

First, I scheduled a meet up with my real estate agent. I asked my sister to accompany me. We met at 10:30am and went straight to San Mateo. Hubby decided that we'll withdraw from purchasing the property that we got last January. It's a very hard decision to make. Hubby wanted kasi that when he comes home on May 2009, the property will be ready so we can transfer. But unfortunately, the developer cannot give me exact schedule of the property's turn over. I thought I could still convince hubby if I can see that the area is already being constructed. I told my self that if I could just see any signs that it will be finished before hubby arrives, we will just go on with the purchase. But alas, when we visited yesterday, the area is still on land development stage. I didn't see anything but bare land.

Our agent told me that if we'll withdraw, we cannot get the full refund of the payments we made since January. She told me that the maximum we can get is just 50%. Nakakapanghinayang din since we shell out 30k plus already. It's hard earned money that's why it dissappoints me to know that we cannot get full refund. But since hubby has decided already, I told the agent that it's okay as long as we can still refund.

I spent almost four hours in San Mateo, talking to the developer and visiting yet another house and lot prospect. The one we visited quite got my interest since the environment is good. It's a community of single detached 2 storey houses. The price is reasonable and when I told hubby, he said that he'll consider.

We just ate our lunch and then went to the Civil Service Office in Banawe to get my eligibility certificate. Finally, the proof that I passed the CSC exam which I took October last year. I've been meaning to go there since January but can't find the time since I had to file a leave just to get it. Thanks to Pasig Day :)

Finally, I accompany my sister for some errands. We then went to Marquinton Starbucks to sip some Choco Cream Chip and Mocha Frappe :D...A relaxing treat!

When I arrived home, it's already 5:30pm. I found Jaden sleeping soundly in the couch. I didn't disturb her coz the nanny reported that they went home just an hour before I arrived (I told her kasi to bring Jaden to my parent's house). I then prepared the ingredients for our dinner. Since I don't have enough time, (I'll be attending our midweek service at 7pm) I instructed the nanny to cook and gave her the steps in cooking menudo. When the little girl woke up, I'm already heading to the door to go to church.

On the side note, I'm guilty of not having enough time with my daughter :( so I'm thinking of filing a VL next week just so I can have a whole day with her. I'm planning of taking her to Manila Ocean Park.

Blog Experiment

Got this tag from Jhona :)

Participants:

1. Me and Mine 2.Creative In Me 3.Little Peanut 4. Pea in a Pod 5. Sugar Magnolias 6. The Salad Caper 7. All Kinds of Me Stuff 8. Aggie Scraps. 9. Winding Creek Circle 10. Mommy Talks. 11. Fun Fierce Fabulous 12. Me, Myself + 2 13. Confessions of a Supermodel Wannabe 14. My Precious Nice 15. Just Me.. Eds 16. Eds Mommy Life 17 My Wonderful Life 18. Married and Happy About It 19. YOUR BLOG HERE

RULES
1. Add your blog/s to the list. Feel free to add all your other blogs. It’s okey if you only post this questions in one blog as long as you answer them
2. Get back to Me {YEN} and I’ll add your blogs to the master’s list here
3. Tag as many friends online you know. But you don’t need to be tag in order to join.

QUESTIONS:
1. I posted this experiment at URL: http://inloveforlife.blogspot.com/
2. I posted this on date (day, month, year): Tuesday, 01 July 2008
3. I posted this at time (24 hour time): 16:15pm
4. My posting location is (city, state, country): Marikina City, Philippines
5. My blog is hosted by: Blogger
6. My age is: 29 yrs old
7. My gender is: Female
8. My occupation is: private employee
9. I use the following RSS/Atom reader software: FeedBurner
10. I use the blog format to post to my blog: Blogspot
11. I have been blogging since (day, month, year): October 2004
12. My web browser is: Internet Explorer
13. My operating system is: Windows XP


Tagging Lilet and Toni

The Egg.

She was busy doodling when suddenly she called my attention and excitedly showed her magic slate to me. She said that she made an "egg"! I looked and saw this. I just nodded with approval. And said,"Oh, yeah...it's an egg!".

Her imagination makes me smile.