A Recipe For Marriage

I was reading a book that my friends gave me as gift for my birthday last year entitled “Connecting: 52 Guidelines for Making Marriage Work”. As I go over the chapters, I read an article about A Recipe for Marriage. I think this one I should learn by heart. Here it goes:

A RECIPE FOR MARRIAGE

By Harold J. Sala

One of my memories of growing up was the trip to my grandmother’s house. One of the memories I will always treasure is the platter of oatmeal cookies which she always had available. After I married, I asked grandma for the recipe. ”Well,” she said, “you take about a cup of oatmeal and a couple tablespoons of this, and a pinch of that…”

There was no recipe, no precise measurements. She had years of experience and knew what mix was necessary to produce delicious cookies, batch after batch. A recipe for marriage is much like the one my grandmother had for oatmeal cookies. The success or failure depends entirely on what you put into it. Leave out an ingredient or use too little of it, and it’s just not right.

In developing a recipe for marriage, lets start with the mixing bow of faith. It’s a proven fact- leave God out of your marriage, and you’re headed for trouble. The first ingredient that goes in to the mixing bowl is the flour of commitment. In baking, nothing is more basic than flour, and in marriage nothing is more fundamental than commitment. Sadly, lacking in many marriages is the kind of commitment that was pledged at a marriage altar: “Till death do us part!” Commitment means, “God brought us together, and come high water, someway, somehow we’re going to get through this problem!”

To the flour of commitment add the oil of communication. Effective communication is the mutual exchange of ideas, thoughts, attitudes, information and feelings. It’s prerequisite to real love, and without it your love withers and dies.

Now, add the ingredient of love. In tennis love means nothing, but in marriage it means everything. No wonder Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25)

Another ingredient that allows what you put in the oven to come out successfully is baking powder. Leave it out of oatmeal cookies, and you have tough, flat little wafers. Marriage, on the other hand, needs the baking powder of forgiveness. Leave this out and the marriage is apt to collapse in times of stress.

Now, add the eggs of meeting each other’s needs. In baking, eggs bind the ingredients together. In marriage, meeting each other’s needs keep temptation away, and adds joy to a relationship.

Another couple of ingredients need to go into this mixing bowl - a sprinkle of humor and more than a dash of understanding. In cooking we use salt, vanilla, cinnamon, and other spices to keep the food from tasting bland. We also need some seasoning in marriage – the kind that enables us to laugh at ourselves, our failures, and foibles. And beyond that, the graciousness that allows your mate the same latitude for human failure that you give yourself.

A final thought: None of these ingredients taste very good separately but mix them together with oatmeal, apply heat, and you have something very, very good. Grandma’s recipe works for marriage as it did for oatmeal cookies.

Flood

Typhoon "Unding" struck Baler and Jerry just informed me that their area was flooded and they are now staying at the roof top of the house. Their things were drenched in the water and they can't even save the car...my oh my!

Hope they'll be fine... I didn't know that a place like Baler (a mountenous province) will experience a flood! Geez! I hope that it will subside within the day. I'm praying for their safety.

So-so

I’ve been very busy these days that I momentarily broke off doing the wedding preparations. December is quite an eventful month and with my commitment with the upcoming Christmas Party of our comapny plus the forthcoming concert of our youth in the church…. I can’t even blog…busy busy me! So I have to lay aside for the meantime the thrill of wedding preparation and faced these obligations.

I digress. My fiance is really struggling (yes he is) to finance our wedding. He is really doing every effort. And oh, how I admire him. He just told me that he’ll be coming to Manila after Christmas and probably, after that he’ll have a discussion with his parents to schedule the “pamamanhikan” by the end of January. This will definitely finalized the remaining steps of our preparation.

"Cold-Feet"

A W@Wie vent out her feelings and fear on getting married. I felt sorry for what she's going through right now to think that her wedding is coming near. Most of the girls in the e-community shared their thoughts and pieces encouragement.

The topic caught me. I thought about it and asked my self, is it really normal to feel that way? Why haven't I felt the same yet? Hmmm...maybe good for me. Is it because I have already set my mind that Jerry is the man destined for me by God? Right. I have friends in their 30's or so who are all still singles and mukhang uunahan ko pa nga mag asawa--- but I'm happy and without regrets. To think that 1 year, 5 months and 10 days (to be exact) palang kaming mag boyfriend (though we have known each other for quite so long na rin...). It's the assurance deep inside me that we are really meant for each other. .. I never felt fear of lossing my "freedom" or individuality for I know Jerry is someone that will never deprave me of that. Granting that it's reallynormal to feel that way for soon-to-be wed, but I hope if ever, I won't go through that stage. I just pray that God will be there to always direct my thoughts and feelings.

Blessed

Since the engagement, several thoughts flood my mind, specially during these times that I'm far from Jerry. ..

I believe that every woman wishes to be wed with the man of their dreams--I'm one of them. Jerry's not the ideal tall-dark-and-handome-type of a guy, but he came into my life just in time.

I feel so blessed to have Jerry in my life. At the very starat that I decided to commit my self to him, I know that I'm entrusting myself to a person of character--i'm quite assured that I will be taken care of and I will be in good hands. I have experienced so much pain from the past where I thought I'll have to live with. I never thought that I can escape. that there would be someone who'll rescue me.. But he came. He's been there for me. He's not a person who would always show his sweetness by giving material things, gifts and expensive stuffs but I can feel how much he loves me and how much he cares about me for just the way he is.

Well, our love story is really too much of a "telenovela"... (full of drama) but we've made it this far against all odds. And now that we're going there...soon to be tying the knot, I can't explain the feeling. I know that being a pastor's wife is not going to be easy. There will be so many responsibilities.. that sometimes , I would ask my self whether I can play that big role. But I will do my best. As much as possible I want to become the best wife, friend and partner Jerry would ever had.

Our new life together is fast approaching. I know that married life is not easy but I believe, as long as God is in the center of our relationship, I know we're going to make it .. God will be glorified in our relationship, and we'll be a blessing to the people.

The preparation I'm doing gets me excited. Aside from the thought of preparing a one-of-a-kind occasion, the feeling of being with him forever, I also want people to know, through us, how good God is and how He's faithfully fulfilling His will and plan for the two of us.

Wow

Well, I've been doing the wedding preps, planning and all that but deep inside me, I'm starting to become some what skeptical about this.... is this really for real??

It's because Jerry just let me do these things all.by.my.self. My OC self! I'm starting to feel that he do not care.. Not even concern of all the efforts, brains, and sweat I'm dedicating to pull this of. He even entertains the thought that the wedding is not pushing through... it give me hives to hear nothing from him but lame comments. Nothing more. Nothing less.

But then something came, as if things turned a hundred-eighty degrees. When he arrived from the province last Nov. 1, I "softly" told him that we need to visit the venues now. He just said a plain "okay". But after visiting the places, he take me to dinner at Kenny Rogers and strut to the mall. On our way home, he asked me questions like where would I want my gown made.. what are the designs I want for the rest of the entourage... details of his suit...what caterer did I chose...so many questions. I was surprised! Hearing these things from him told me that he is concerned about the details of the wedding. It made me so happy and giddy.

He left again last Friday for Baler and yesterday he told me that he visited our primary sponsors (to-be) and informed them in advance about the coming event. At least, this has lessen much of my being skeptic over him :)

Fabulous!!

At last! we're able to visit two venues and it was so great! I have already set our agenda: to visit La Veranda but I was able to know of another venue by accident! I called Marikina hotline and asked for a telephone number of a certain garden but they told me that it's not existing. Instead, he gave me the number of Villa Ronar! Thank God I called! (thanks to the operator).

So, we went. We visited first La Veranda. It's such a dream garden! Lots of plants, cozy, and the artificial waterfalls adds a romantic touch to the place. The drawback is that, they have a list of accredited caterers and Batis Asul is not one of them. Aside from the cost of rent. But the owner told me that it's negotiable naman if I already have my caterer, we just have to pay 13% of the their package. (quite expensive!) But on the contrary, the place is really really nice. I can't beleive there's a place like this one ever existed in Marikina. I have talked to the owner and she's very accomodating to all my questions.

The following day, we went to Villa Ronar. This place is not so much of a garden but also a nice place to hold a wedding. They have a garden outside (quite big!) with minimal plants but the landscaping is nicely done. Then there's a portion which they call "Adonis hall" its quite big also but the cieling is a bit low. There's an old piano, but I think its included in their package. There's also a small pool at the back and a chapel. Villa Ronar will definitely fit in to our budget (I'm referring to the garden) because the rent is just Php 5,000 but the drawback is that the garden is open so I'm having second thought since June is a rainy month. Also, there is a 10% charge (or 7,000, which ever is higher) for the outside caterer. Hmmm, I'm beginning to feel confused na. But the good things is we're able to visit my preferred places. . We'll just decide na lang which one....... hmmmm... but I think, we'll choose Villa Ronar, it's quite nice and affordable if rent lang, though they have a package that's all in.

Wow! Really exciting!